Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
