Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
BRING THE BAGELS
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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