the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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