I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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