It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
