Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
