We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
