oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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