If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
