youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
