just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
