WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
