I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
