sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
