Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
