i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There r osticjed everywhere
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
