Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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