You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
