I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
