My sheets look like a crime scene.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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