I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
