He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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