Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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