She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
