I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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