we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
from now on my penis is your penis
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
