People in love make me want to vomit
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
is wine microwaveable?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
