Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
