Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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