Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
