how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
