I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
