Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
