i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
