life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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