so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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