i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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