Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
