Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
