well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.