how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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