apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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