Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
