Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
