is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
