I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
