right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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