I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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