eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
