I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
