I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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