He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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