my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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