Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
