i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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