I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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