I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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