I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
