wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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