What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
