Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
