Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
