She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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