She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
