I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
