My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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