Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
